I have a vicious cycle.
No, it’s not my menses. Focus, people.
I constantly sway from super content to supper stressed and overwhelmed. There really is rarely a middle ground where that’s concerned. My super content side is always soft, loving, perky… you know, that co-worker you want to avoid because she’s too annoying in the morning. I’m complimentary, sappy, and over-appreciative of the smallest things in life.
Then, one wrench in the machine sends me into a downward spiral of overwhelmed, stressed, life would be better lived in a dark closet where no one has to deal with me.
Sadly, it’s typically tied to finances. When my modest emergency fund gets down to an uncomfortable amount, my fear takes over. When I’ve overspent because “I deserved it,” I beat myself up. I forget to appreciate the things that I have in my life.
So to counteract this today, I chose to send my husband an email. A list of things that I am cognitively aware of, things I recognize as truth, that (hopefully) would counteract the negative self-talk that started to spill tears from my eyes as I emailed a co-worker about benefits this morning.
Seriously. How does my vision plan work? [insert sob here]
I was afraid of how this email would be received. Would I cause extra stress for him? Would he go into fix-it mode as he usually does when my stress is not related to said menses? Would he think I was being silly and tell me to get over it?
I sent it anyway, and asked him to give me feedback. Even if it was just to say that he understood. But he called me immediately. He gave me positive feedback. He answered my questions. He gave me his own goals and dreams that we could work towards. Together.
And this is where I’m at: Don’t beat myself up. The world does enough of that for me, though it’s not as mean to me as I am (shocker? I think not).
As an important mentor and smart business woman once told me – Get a partner.
A partner that will support you. A partner that will call you on your bullshit. A partner that will say thank you when you recognize your inadequacies and ask for support. A partner who will not condemn you for being you, but will lift you up to make you better, faster, stronger.
Do you have a partner? How does your partner support you? How do you ask for help when you need it?